When I moved out to California I began to indulge in Marijuana. It was fun and fascinating upon my first time truly feeling that high that it gives, I thought to myself huh.. this is dope but I must remember to bring this into normal life somehow. I was at a point in my life where things were new and I was feeling quite vulnerable and alone. Six years later and many blunts, bongs,joints,apples, and brownies later I have finally come to my solid conclusions with Marijuana. For one I have realized why I have done it so much once It became a part of my life. It was a freedom from the body and the finite. I would be in an Ire place as Bob Marley says. I would be totally in spirit, not a care in the world and this lonely feeling would go away. I could rest in my mind and think about all kinds of cool ideas. Practically creating them right there and then, yet it was only in my head. You know how it goes we all get stoned and sit down and ramble with great ideas and then forget them and go to 7/11. Well at least this is how I would do it.

It got to a point where I wanted to stop and I could not. It became addictive like a love hate relationship that you have with your girlfriend. My girlfriend was Maryjane. Until recently all of my expearience and research has proven to be progressive but not enough to kick the habit of a daily smoker. However now after diligent thought and a true need to find a better balance I finally have come to conclusions that not only will help curb my appetite for marijuana but also for all other drugs that I use to hide behind. These drugs can range from weed to flour, sugar to alcohol, sex to cigarettes etc… The thing that I realized was that it was a way to cope with the fear and discomfort that I felt with being finite. To be in the flesh is a different game and can bring anxieties to any being. These drugs have served as a cover for us for so long in order for us to take as much time as we need to get comfortable. Once we are ready we could then ease into the heart and body and become truly in the flesh as well as the spirit. Now that things are speeding up we now have the awareness enough to get us into these bodies before we loose them. So I have forgiven myself for my past and I begin a new future in my present with my presence as my present. I am alive, I am hueman, I can feel my heart and I am ok with the responsibility it takes to be here. I am ready for the dances and battles that life will provide. I am a man.