Drugs?

What is it about drugs! Why do I do them? Do I need them? I wonder to myself about this. Sometimes when I am emotionally “out of control” I find refuge in them. Cigarettes, weed, alcohol etc… When I think about this deeply and while on drugs I realized that it is refuge back to my inner child. That place of non judgment and freedom. La, la, la. La, LAAAA.

I have realized that as a child I was on a permanent high and still emotional. The difference between then and now is that I became aware of myself socially and conformed to these pressures to act this way or that. Learning to conform put my child into a box and left him there. I use keys to get him out for a while to play. Those keys are drugs. I am great full for them they have allowed me visiting hours with my child enough to remember and assimilate. Just enough time to formulate a plan of escape. Thank you drugs. I will always remember you for your help. I am finding my way home.